Screenwriter's Comments ON/OFF

The question at this point is whether or not another episode will be written before another month goes by.  I can't believe I haven't managed another post. (Flick Chick "Will I ever escape from the theater or has Mastermind successfully defeated me and I don't know it yet?") That's a good question that can't be answered at this time.

Screenwriter's Comments ON/OFF

I'd like to remind everyone that if you missed some of these episodes to check out HYPE's discussion forum and read the back issues.

We’re On the Road to...

FADE IN:

EXT. THE WOODS - DAY

Patty the Elf and Rex run through the woods, occasionally stopping to look at clues. They are trying to follow the path Master Mind took when he stuck Flick Chick in the movie theater.  The run all day, over hill...over dale...up hill...down hill...under the hills...over the mountains...and on and on and on and on and on.  They just keep on keep on running.  Rex finally stops gasping.

EXT. MOVIE THEATER PARKING LOT - NIGHT

REX
That’s it. I can’t run another step.
PATTY
Oh come on Rex.  I think we’re pretty close now.
REX
Great. Can we walk then?
PATTY
But we have to save Flick Chick.
REX
From what exactly?

EXT. MOVIE THEATER PARKING LOT - DAWN

PATTY
I don’t know. I just see danger. Look a Red sun rises. Blood has been spilled this night
REX
Where?  You’re seeing things.  I told you we’ve been running too long. 

Lord of the Bling 11 parks his car and then gets out. He sees Patty and Rex.

LORD OF THE BLING 11
Hey guys.  What are you doing here?
REX
Looking for Flick Chick.
LORD OF THE BLING 11
Hasn’t she been gone for like a month?
REX
Yeah.
LORD OF THE BLING 11
Seems like you waited a bit before looking for her.
REX
Well, we figured she was only going to be gone like a few weeks, but then it got later and later and I was busy and I had to ...
LORD OF THE BLING 11
Good excuses.  Hey I’m going to see Last Samurai again.  You two want to come?  You look exhausted.
PATTY
We can’t. We’ve got to keep running after her trail.
REX
Hey wait a minute. Didn’t the trail lead here? Couldn’t she be inside the theater? We should totally stop and check it out after we watch Last Samurai.
PATTY
Who’s paying?
LORD OF THE BLING 11
I will; I’ve got the bling bling.  Lets go.

The three enter the theater where Flick Chick has sat for a month stuck in Timeline.  Meanwhile...Gandley Dolph and Master Mind continue to discuss evil plans and getting started back at the lair.

INT. EVIL LAIR - DAY

MASTER MIND
So I’ve been looking at our list of plans and well I don’t know I think it’s too much for one lifetime.
GANDLEY DOLPH
Right so we need to become immortals first.  I’ll put that on the list.
MASTER MIND
That’s good, but I think first we should kill Flick Chick.
GANDLEY DOLPH
She’s already out of the way.  Why do you want to kill her?
MASTER MIND
I’ve been thinking...
GANDLEY DOLPH
Uh oh.
MASTER MIND
Hey! Like I said I’ve been thinking.  See will never be free to be completely evil and do terrible things until we destroy the screen writer.  He/she controls all.  I hold the writer responsible for stealing my hand and making me live in a dank, damp, lair instead of some swanky pad. 
GANDLEY DOLPH
All right I’m following you there, but what does that have to do with Flick Chick?
MASTER MIND
Don’t you see?  Flick Chick is just like an avatar for the screenwriter.  That’s how the writer knows so much.  That Flick Chick is like a spy for the writer.
GANDLEY DOLPH
So the writer is a pink stick figure with massive pink pigtails?
MASTER MIND
No.  I seriously doubt the writer is a pink stick figure.
GANDLEY DOLPH
What’s wrong with being pink?
MASTER MIND
Nothing.
GANDLEY DOLPH
Look I don’t want to work with you if you’re a racist.  I have no beef with pinks.
MASTER MIND
Huh.  I’ve got nothing against pink, personally it’s my favorite color.  I’d wear pink all the time, but Flick Chick sort of controls the pink around here.
GANDLEY DOLPH
Oh so that’s why you want to kill her. So you can wear pink.
MASTER MIND
No I want to kill her so we can be truly free.  By killing her we kill the writer.  Don’t you want to help me?  Together we can rule the HYPE.
GANDLEY DOLPH
Sure. I’ve got nothing better to do.

Master Mind and Gandley Dolph head off to the theater to kill Flick Chick.

FADE OUT.

Timed Out

FADE IN:

INT. MOVIE THEATER

Flick Chick stares fixated on the screen, watching Timeline. Her face is fixed in horror, while her eyes stare blankly unseen.
The ScreenWriter’s voice is heard offstage narrating.

THE SCREENWRITER
(voice over narration)
One mind to rule them all and in the darkness bind them, but evil seldom works alone. For over a month MasterMind has laughed maniacally in his lair as Flick Chick has sat frozen, tricked into viewing Timeline. She has become bogged down in a its poorly executed plot and excretable acting, unable to leave. Stuck in time, the pig-tailed one has remained hidden from those who might aide her. Rat has taken the silence as an opportunity to begin her novel. He has completed the title page. His dread cousins have returned to Oz, while Lord of the Bling 11 has learned the code of the samaurai, but this has been mared by the acting of Tom Cruise. Gandley Dolph’s experiments lead him towards the inevitable development of a doppelgänger. The planted ones have put down roots to ride out the winter, and Patty the Elf and Rex follow the Timeline ever onward, ever forward...

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. MASTERMIND’S LAIR
Mastermind laughs maniacally.

MASTERMIND
Mwhahahaha! With Flick Chick out of the way, now I can do something really evil. Like...no, that ain’t going to work. Hmmm...There’s bound to be something I’ve been wanting to do.

Someone knocks at the door.

MASTERMIND
(continuing)
Oh thank heaven a visitor to interrupt my thoughts.
Mastermind opens the door and Gandley Dolph steps in.
GANDLEY DOLPH
Hello there Mastermind. Hope you don’t mind that I just had to step in.
MASTERMIND
Gandley Dolph isn’t it?
GANDLEY DOLPH
No, not really. I’m trying out the White Whiz as a new moniker. What you think?
MASTERMIND
All right. I’m not going to tell you where Flick Chick is, if that’s what your after?
GANDLEY DOLPH
Nah. I’ve looked into the palantir and realized you’re the guy to join up with. No more gray for this whiz; I’m into the white now.
MASTERMIND
Kewl. Got any ideas for what we should be doing?
GANDLEY DOLPH
Oh Boy! Do I! We should be taking over Middle Earth, spreading the darkness and such.
MASTERMIND
Sounds good. Then what?
GANDLEY DOLPH
Well, we could... No that sucks...ew! Ew! We could make everyone into battteries to run the largest technology network ever.
MASTERMIND
Hey that’s not bad. We could program everyone into some sort of virtual reality world so that they’ll never know.
GANDLEY DOLPH
Kewl. Then we could go after that sniveling, flying brat who cut off your hand and threw it to that crocodile.
MASTERMIND
I’m not missing a ...

Mastermind looks down and sees that one of his hands is now a hook.

MASTERMIND
(continuing from above)
WTPh! When did that happen?
GANDLEY DOLPH
Just now. You know how these hyper realities are. One minute you’re king of the web, next minute you’re disconnected and losing a limb.
MASTERMIND
Ahhh. The joys of dial-up. What else could we do?
GANDLEY DOLPH
We could destroy Japan’s elite warrior system and replace it with an army, and then we could shoot any deserters on site, and then we could tell tall tales and fish stories...just for fun of course.
MASTERMIND
My gawd Gandley Dolph...I mean the White Whiz, you’re positively evil. How did I ever come up with one dastardly thing to do before you?
GANDLEY DOLPH
Well...
MASTERMIND
Rhetorical question. Doesn’t need an answer. I guess we’d better get started on all this.
GANDLEY DOLPH
Probably. Villains are always racing against time to complete their life’s ambitions.
MASTERMIND
Too true.

FADE TO BLACK.

Screenwriter's Comments ON/OFF

So much to cover...Timeline, Last Samaurai, Peter Pan, Return of the King , self-inflicted golf ball wounds, dastardbly plans, and split villains.  Oi have I got my work cut out for me.

A Dastardly Plot
FADE IN:
EXT. OUTSIDE THE FANBOY DUNGEON - NIGHT
Flick Chick, Rex, Tex, Max, The Professional, Dr. Daisy, Gandley Dolph, Brain, LOTB 11, Rat, Tricia the potted patio plant, and Patty the Elf stand outside the dungeon.  Flick Chick is standing in the rear of the group.  Mastermind exits the dungeon and stands next to Flick Chick.  He keeps a low profile and sort of beckons to Flick Chick like a man calling a pig.  Errie Music begins to play.

MASTERMIND
Psst. Flick Chick.  Flick Chick.  Psst.

Flick Chick glances around and then sees Mastermind skulking in the shadows. She approaches him cautiously.

FLICK CHICK
Yes.
MASTERMIND
I have a suggestion for you.  Go see Timeline.
FLICK CHICK
The movie?
MASTERMIND
Yes.
FLICK CHICK
I read the book. It was pretty good.
MASTERMIND
I know.
FLICK CHICK
How?
MASTERMIND
You know how.
FLICK CHICK
No can’t say that I do.
MASTERMIND
I just know, you know?
FLICK CHICK
No.
MASTERMIND
Go see the movie.
FLICK CHICK
All right. I’ll go.
MASTERMIND
Muwhahahaha!

Flick Chick walks off to go see Timeline.  Mastermind skulks back into the dungeon.  Rex has been carefully watching the whole encounter.

REX
What dastardly deeds does that pale Mastermind have planned?

Rex slips away from the others and follows Flick Chick. Tex and Max spy Rex slipping away and sneak off to follow him.  The Professional observes the twins flap off and decides to follow maintaining a professional distance.  Dr. Daisy notices The Professional tailing the monkeys and decides to leap after her.  Patty the Elf and LOTB 11 decide that they can give chase day and night and run after the doctor.  Tricia carefully hops behind in her pot. Gandley Dolph calls for his horselord and rides off into the sunset.  Brain rolls beside him on his casters.  Rat looks all around her and notices everyone has left.  She carefully sniffs the air.

RAT
WTPh!

Rat heads back to her rat hole to take a nap.

FADE OUT TO BLACK

Fanboy/gal Anonymous
FADE IN:
INT. THE F.A.’S DUNGEON MEETING PLACE-NIGHT
AND clears his throat and directs a spotlight onto Flick Chick. She squints at its intense light.

AND
Pink stick chick, Hellooo. Care to introduce yourself?

By this time all the Coordinating Conjuctions have turned around to stare at Flick Chick. Flick Chick giggles nervously, pulling at her hands.

FLICK CHICK
I guess I can go up there.
AND
That’s right come on up and tell us your sad fangal story.

Master stands up.

MASTER MIND
Wait a sec. It’s my turn to share. My name is Master Mind and I’m a Dr. Who fan bent on world domination.
BUT
You’ve already gone. Come on up pink stick chick and continue your unrealistic portrayal of ideal female beauty.

Flick Chick walks up to the podium. The rest of gang sniggers in back. Rex starts whispering to his cousins.

FLICK CHICK
Hi my name is Flick Chick and I’ve been a fangal, before there was a name for it.
FANBOY/GALS ANONYMOUS MEMBERS
Hi Flick Chick.
FLICK CHICK
Wow, that’s quite a welcome. Well...I don’t know what to say really...

Flick Chick stares at the audience suddenly shy, trying to think of where to start. The dungeon is pretty quiet except for dripping water sounds and Rex. Rex starts speaking louder. The audience stares at them.

REX
So I was like dude and she was totally like dude.
TEX
Dude.
REX
Yeah I know, dude.
MAX
Dudes!
RAT
WTPh! Would you two shut it! I want to hear Flick Chick’s phoquing craptastic tale of fangalness.
FLICK CHICK
Thanks Rat. Like I was saying I’ve been a fangal for a long time. My first film of fan devotion was the Star Wars trilogy, something I continue to love. This is kind of embarrassing, but I actually read the Star Wars expanded universe. I find it enjoyably mind emptying.
REX
Tell them about your contributions to fan fiction.
FLICK CHICK
I think we can skip that.
AND
No! I think we should explore that.
FLICK CHICK
I’ve written a small piece making fun of the E.U. in the theforce.net’s discussion forums, but only cause I was inspired by Darth Holiday’s stories. That thread taught me the meaning of words like fanboy, sock, craptastic, and kewl.

Everyone starts moving and shifting in their seats. Flick Chick is seriously boring the crap out of the audience.

AND
You’re really the most boring fangal we’ve ever had.
FOR
Let someone else share their story.
REX
Yeah, you ain’t living up to the HYPE, Flick Chick!
PATTY
Get off the stage.
FLICK CHICK
All right. I’m going. Dr. Daisy perhaps you’d like to share your fangalness?
DR. DAISY DANCER
No, I pretty much know who I am. A gal who loves Alan Cumming and would spend my life stalking him and Eddie Izzard if I had the time.
PATTY
I think I’m out of here. You’re getting dull Flick Chick.

The gang turns around to head out when shots ring out. Everyone ducks and starts to panic.

RAT
WTPh!

Flick Chick crawls back over to the gang. Rex and his cousins are hiding under their chairs. Another shot is fired; it lands right near Rex. He starts shaking and quaking from fear. Flick Chick crawls next to Rex.

REX
Oh my God. Oh my God.
FLICK CHICK
Rex.
REX
Assassins and murderers and bears oh my.
FLICK CHICK
Rex! Did you ever call that hit off your cousins?
MAX
Rex, you put a hit on us?
TEX
Dude.
REX
Maybe. Just a little one.
RAT
Wait are you telling me that’s The Professional out there?
TRICIA
(Directed at The Professional)
That’s it no more free drinks for you.

A bullet thuds into the wall next to Tricia.

TRICIA
(continuing)
Hehehe. Just kidding. Your drinks are free.
PATTY
You want that I put an arrow up her gun?
REX
Could you?
PATTY
Isn’t she standing over there on top of that medieval torture device?
FLICK CHICK
No that’s one of the coordinating conjunctions. It looks like it might be BUT.
TEX
Hehehe. You said butt.
FLICK CHICK
No I didn’t. I said BUT, you know one of the fanboys.
RAT
Right.
MAX
So Rex are you gonna call your hitman...
THE PROFESSIONAL
That’s hit woman, buddy.
MAX
Sorry, I can’t see you cause you so well hidden and all. So are you going to call your hitwoman off or not?
REX
Uh...The Professional I’d like to renege on our deal. Ok? It’s just I kind of remebered the importance of family and I really don’t like bullets flying around.
THE PROFESSIONAL
What about my money?

Suddenly a puff of red smoke appears in the center of the dungeon, à la the Wicked Witch in The Wizard of Oz. Gandley Dolph, Brain, and Lord of the Bling 11 step out of the smoke.

BRAIN
Next time we do that, could you leave me behind? I swear smoking is bad for the brain.
GANDLEY DOLPH
But where would I put my laptop then? Your jar is like the perfect height.
LORD OF THE BLING 11
God, it’s going to take me like a week to get that fire and brimstone smell out of my nose and my bling bling.

Patty runs over to the group. A bullet lands near Brain’s wheels.

DR. DAISY DANCER
She is such a good shot.
RAT
I know. It’s like watching Annie Oakley only The Professional never seems to hit anything.
DR. DAISY DANCER
You’ve noticed that too. Thank God, I thought I was just missing something.

Everyone stops to look at Dr. Daisy and Rat.

RAT
Sorry, you can start the action back up.
GANDLEY DOLPH
Thank you so much. The Professional would you mind coming out and stop your shooting.
THE PROFESSIONAL
What about my money?
GANDLEY DOLPH
You don’t need any money.
THE PROFESSIONAL
I don’t need any money... Hey wait a minute, yes I do. Pay up Rex.
REX
I don’t actually have the funds right now.

A bullets clips Rex’s ear.

REX
(continuing)
Ow!
GANDLEY DOLPH
Enough! You shall not be paid, The Professional and Rex you shall not hire hitmen...women anymore. Ok.
REX
Okay.
THE PROFESSIONAL
Fine.
GANDLEY DOLPH
Now come on you guys we’ve got a quest to get started on and hanging out with a bunch of fanboys isn’t going to get us any closer to discovering much that once was, which is now lost.
FLICK CHICK
What have I gotten myself into?
REX
Adventure? Fun? Excitement?
FLICK CHICK
Something like that.

The group moves out of the Fanboy/Gal dungeon. Master Mind has overheard all.

MASTER MIND
A quest for that which is lost, eh? I might have to keep an eye on this ragtag group. Mwahahahaha.

FADE OUT.